I have come to a place in my life where on a normal day to day living, I successfully stay in a positive mindset and see the world through a happy lens. Yes, I am excitable but very little seems to stick with me longer then a hour or two or maybe (but rarely) a day or two, depending on the level of the labeled experience.
Yet, there are times where a reasonless depression takes over. This weekend was one of those times. I was depressed. For really no reason. I had food. I had clothes. I had a roof over my head. Gas in my car. There was no reason.
A client of mine just a week before was feeling a lot of anxiety. I had suggested something I had heard from several spiritual leaders that to fully remove an unwanted or undesirable feeling, you first must fully feel it.
“Okay. Let’s practice what we preach”, I thought.
I woke up on Monday morning and sat up with this heavy feeling on my shoulders. I first observed my body language. The sides of my lips curled down. My head hung low. My eyes, heavy and gazing at the ground. My muscles ached. A slight headache was at the edge of my forehead. I felt lethargic, lonely and unmotivated.
I grabbed my journal and wrote thoughts down that came from this overall feeling of nothingness. The thoughts were about me not being good enough. Failing like usual. Why am I even trying. More kept coming and I just kept writing them down as I heard them. Then I went over possible reasons for why my emotional body needed to feel this way. I wrote down about 6 and that is really when things started to move forward for me. They ranged from money to weight to a lost friendship to high expectations. I realized, I could have probably kept going but then I stopped. Depression was knocking on the door. It just wants to be heard and felt and loved. It wants a hug and understanding; compassion and a friend.
At this time, I decided to perform a visualization technique. I visualized opening the door, welcoming depression with open arms and giving him a big spiritual loving hug. We sat down at the wooden table and had tea. I listened, nodded and was really present in the moment for depression. I gave him compassion, love and understanding. I let the thoughts in my head escape onto the paper and then checked in. Asked if it needed to tell me more.
And there was more…
There was a gift. Depression said that he was worried about me. I work so hard with no breaks and really he was hear to check up on me. We both smiled and it was then that I realized the gift in full. Depression visits me when I need a break. When I need to slow down and sleep. Take time for reading and relaxing with my furchildren. To simply enjoy the sun and the outside. I looked at depression deep into his eyes and said, “Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for slowing me down to rest. Thank you for your precious gift. For you arrived exactly on time. Exactly when I needed you.” And deep down inside, depression knew that. Then we enjoyed another big spiritual loving hug and I looked him square in the face one more time and said, “I LOVE YOU!”
At that moment, a smile came to my lips. My body no longer ached. My heart skipped a beat. Joy spread over me like a flowing river. My energy increased and I knew I was ready for the day no matter what may come. Depression looked right back at me and said, “Be Brave. Be Fearless. When you need me, I will be there again.”
All emotions have wonderful gifts to teach. May we be brave enough to listen, be open and accepting and ready for their precious gifts.
This taught me that for all feelings, we should observe them fully in our bodies, both emotional and physical. My Mo•Clar Moment was that my depression was simply a gift to slow me down and send me the much needed message of rest.
In Summary the Steps to Solve a Reasonless Depression are as follows:
- Fully feel it.
- Observe it physically.
- Record all these observations in a journal.
- Write the thoughts as they arrive to your conscious mind.
- Visualize an unattached conversation with the feeling. Be very detailed and imaginative.
- Listen closely for the gifts.
- Send lots of love, understanding and compassion.
- Be your own friend.
- Be thankful for that moment.
- Write down the overall meaning and then bless it.